Internal Family Systems bridges the gap between what one knows in their head and feels in their heart.
“This being human is a guest house. Every morning is a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor…welcome and entertain them all. Treat each guest honorably. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”
Internal Family Systems is a model of therapy founded by Dr. Richard Schwartz. IFS is not only a model of therapy, but a tool that clients can use on their own to continue the healing process outside of sessions. With IFS, therapists eventually “work themselves out of a job”, as clients learn how to relate to themselves and those around them from a place of self-leadership.
More than Traditional Talk Therapy
IFS is a deeply transformative type of therapy that truly addresses the root of the issue. It is compassionate, spiritual, powerfully healing and respectful of one’s inner life. IFS is both patient and direct, giving space for clients to ultimately lead the therapeutic process. IFS therapists believe that clients already possess all they need to move towards the healing process.
IFS is also called “parts work”, meaning that our thought life and emotions are organized sub-personalities, or parts, that function in specific patterns for specific reasons.
Different aspects of our personalities often get into conflict with each other and act in dysfunctional ways. For example, if you make a mistake, you may say to yourself, “I can’t believe I keep screwing up like this.” Then you may say to yourself, “Give yourself a break, no one is perfect.” While both of these statements may have validity, they are opposite thoughts and therefore result in inner tension.
Our Personality Makes a Great Ally but a Poor Governor
Psychology has taught us that we all develop defense mechanisms to protect us from emotional pain. Oftentimes these coping skills (aka “parts”) once helped us survive but may have outlived their usefulness. Oftentimes folks seek therapy because they have become hijacked by once useful ways of keeping themselves safe, but are now contributing to internal chaos and imbalance. In addition, wounded places are not getting the attention that they need because we have learned to exile away these hurt places deep inside of us.
In therapy, we don’t judge these fiercely protective parts; rather, we seek to understand them and appreciate their efforts to help, without losing sight of the ways they create challenges for us. We turn toward these places inside of us in an effort to give them the attention that they need. This is often a new experience for clients, as we have been socialized to “get rid of” the parts of us that are problematic or are not serving us. Because we know that what we fight we strengthen, the invitation is to get curious instead of judgmental and to listen to what these burdened parts need in order to shift into a preferred role or integrated way of supporting the entire system.
IFS is a model of psychotherapy that can be used as a tool to bridge the gap between what one knows in their head and what ones feels in their heart.
To read more about IFS, visit selfleadership.org.